Impasse Page 16

  She should have protested, but how could she when she could scarcely find the strength to walk? How dared he walk in here and begin ordering her about? Did he think he was making her feel any better? Yet wasn't she glad to see him? She lowered heavy lids to conceal sudden tears as she endeavoured not to give way to the impulse to lean on him in self-pity.

  'Is that your breakfast?' he asked, tight-lipped as she sat down.

  'Yes.' She hoped he didn't notice the toast was soggy and cold.

  He did. Looking at it distastefully, he said, 'That was made long before you answered the door. Why aren't you eating?'

  She pushed her coffee aside, which was a mistake because he saw that was cold too. 'I haven't had much appetite lately,' she prevaricated.

  'I noticed you ate nothing for dinner on Thursday.'

  Well, he would, wouldn't he, as he had never taken his eyes off her. 'I'm sure I did,' she defied woodenly.

  'You gave an admirable display on how to push food around a plate,' he retorted, adding, when she merely shrugged, 'You always ate well, especially at breakfast.'

  'Gluttonously.'

  'I didn't say that.' His jaw set stubbornly. 'My God, Lee, I'm just trying to discover what's the matter with you—not criticising! How would you feel if I looked like death, losing weight and everything? You're far too young to look the way you do and there not to be anything wrong with you? Have you seen a doctor?'

  'No.'

  'Wouldn't that be a sensible thing to do?'

  'I'll get round to it sometime. If,' she qualified quickly, 'this bug I seem to have caught doesn't clear up. One can't always be running to a doctor, wasting his time when others need him more urgently.'

  'When did you last see one?' asked Slade sarcastically.

  When her grandfather was ill, but she wasn't going to tell him about that. 'Would you like some coffee?' she asked, struggling to her feet and reaching for the kettle.

  'Here, let me. You sit down,' he pushed her into her chair when she began to object, 'Lee, for heaven's sake!'

  She collapsed in a shivering heap, physically unable to fight him. 'Bully!' she muttered childishly.

  'At the moment that might be exactly what you're in need of!'

  There was a quality of steel in his voice, a sharpness in his eyes as he regarded her. Lee bit her lip, looking ready to shatter like fragile glass. Weakly she subsided and obediently drank the hot tea he made. Because he seemed anxious, she even tried to eat the fresh toast he produced, in order to placate him.

  'Haven't I made it the way you like? Or is it the tea?'

  She couldn't have inherited her parent's acting abilities. 'I've gone off tea lately. I've been having coffee.'

  'You used to dislike it for breakfast.'

  'My tastes must have changed.'

  Slade paused, shrugged, then poured himself a cup of tea and sat down opposite, watching her closely. The paleness of her face, as well as her thinness, worried him, but he kept any compassion from his eyes as she might be quick to take advantage of it and ignore her toast. 'Eat up,' he commanded sternly.

  There was a strained tenseness in the silence between them. Each eyed the other suspiciously. Slade's heavy sigh seemed to betray something, but his arrogant kind of patience angered her. Opposing Slade was like challenging a brick wall, you only came away with bruises. If she had learned nothing else, all the years she had known him, she had learned that! She ate her toast slowly, feeling rather like a child who has been wrongly chastised, but was relieved to find his austere treatment working.

  'Feeling better?' he asked, when she finished.

  'Yes,' she was forced to admit, if not willingly.

  'How about London, then? There's still time.'

  'No.' She knew she couldn't face it.

  His eyes darkened. 'You mean you don't want to go with me?'

  Lee shut her eyes, her thoughts splintered. She didn't want to answer his question. She was trying to insulate herself in a dark void with no emotions allowed to enter. She couldn't have gone to London with anyone, this morning, but even if she had felt completely well, she wouldn't have gone with him. Knowing everything between them was over, the pain she endured, whenever she was with him was rapidly becoming more than she could bear.

  Swallowing back tears, she jumped up, about to ask him to go, but before she could get anything out she realised she had moved too quickly. Words clogged in her throat as the room tilted and swung in the most alarming fashion.

  'Lee!'

  Slade caught her as she swayed, his glance glittering apprehensively over her paper-white face. Trembling, he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the comfortable cushioned settle that stood against the kitchen wall.

  'I'm all right,' she whispered, wondering where her head was and if her stomach was thinking of leaving her. 'You shouldn't have upset me.'

  He laid her gently down. 'Is that what I do?'

  'Yes—no…' Fresh tears washed her eyes as his tender expression and incredibly gentle voice seemed to take any sting from his firmer tones as he went on, 'As for being all right, as you put it, if a piece of dry toast can make you feel ill then you're far from it. You're going to see a doctor.'

  'One nearly always has to have an appointment,' she protested, 'unless it's an emergency.'

  'This is one.' His mouth tightened inexorably. 'I'm taking you to see my doctor, so don't argue. He happens to be a personal friend of mine.'

  Slade didn't even bother to telephone. He arrived at the surgery, demanding immediate attention for Lee and, amazingly, it seemed to her, she was given it. It must have something to do with his friend happening to be free, she thought, otherwise it would surely have been impossible.

  Half an hour later, after being assured by the doctor that he couldn't find anything wrong with her but that he would be in touch as soon as the results of one or two tests he was making came through, she waited in the car while Slade spoke to him. When Slade returned, looking far from displeased, she felt relieved. Whatever his friend had said to him had certainly removed much of the former grimness from his expression.

  Nevertheless, he still seemed concerned for her and insisted that she rested immediately she got home. He made her sit with her feet up in the lounge and fussed over her so protectively that she knew she had to get rid of him before she decided she couldn't do without all the care and attention he was showering on her. He even cooked her a light lunch and watched over her like a watchdog to see that she ate it, a bemused expression that puzzled her on his face.

  Suddenly he glanced sharply at the clock. 'Oh, lord, I nearly forgot!' he exclaimed. 'I have a meeting in London this afternoon that I can't miss. I would,' he frowned, 'if it wasn't for so many people depending on me. Will you be all right until I get back, darling?'

  'I should be,' Lee smiled at him gratefully, 'after all you've done for me.'

  'I'll be home early,' he promised. 'I still have something to ask you.'

  Wondering what it was, she smiled at him, feeling very much in his debt and aware of a new warmth that seemed to be flowing out of him towards her. Perhaps in the future, if they could even be friends, it might go a little way towards relieving some of her heartache.

  After he had gone, she went slowly upstairs and after taking a shower, lay on her bed. The light mixture which Slade's doctor had given her must have worked, for now she felt lethargic and pleasantly drowsy, rather than ill. Eventually she slept, and it was after six when she woke.

  The telephone was ringing. It must have woken her up. 'Not before time!' she muttered, with a horrified glance at her watch as she answered it.

  It could be Slade! Her heart leapt as she rolled over and reached for the extension by her bedside. 'River Bend,' she said breathlessly.

  It wasn't Slade, it was Dulcie Mansfield. As Lee's spirits dropped several degrees, Dulcie asked angrily, 'Wherever have you been, Lee? I came round, but your door was locked and I couldn't get an answer. Trigg's disappeared, and I wondered if you kn
ew where he is.'

  'No.' Lee swung her feet to the floor and tried to sharpen her sleep-dulled wits. 'I'm sorry, he isn't here and I've no idea where he might be. How long has he been gone?'

  'Over three hours.'

  'Three hours!' That could mean another two or three, on Dulcie's calculations.

  'Lee, please!' Dulcie exclaimed. 'No lectures, not right now. He's nearly nine, and after lunch he said he was going to play in the old shed at the bottom of our garden. George is helping him fix his model railway there as it makes a mess in the house. I was doing a few things and then I realised he'd been gone a long time and when I went to look for him he wasn't there. And…'

  'Yes?' Lee prompted more gently, as she clearly heard Dulcie gulp.

  'I—I found a note in his room when I returned to see if he was there.'

  'A note?'

  'Oh, Lee,' Dulcie moaned, 'I feel terrible! I meant to put it safely away or burn it, but he must have found all the correspondence about boarding school, because he says he won't go and is running away.'

  'Didn't you tell him that you'd changed your mind?'

  'I should have done,' Dulcie replied, 'but we'd only talked about it before and I thought it would be easier just to forget about it. I never dreamt that he'd run away, and I've been looking everywhere. That's why I came to see you.'

  Lee, feeling torn with anxiety herself, tried to explain. 'I wasn't well and I lay down after lunch and fell asleep, which was why I didn't hear you, but Trigg might have come in by the back door, which I'm sure is still open. If you hang on a minute I'll go and see if he's maybe hiding in the kitchen.'

  CHAPTER TEN

  A quick tour of the downstairs rooms produced nothing. There was no sign of anyone. Back on the phone, though, Lee promised Dulcie, 'I'll look again, he may be hiding outside somewhere. If I find him I'll let you know immediately. Have you informed the police?'

  'George has,' Dulcie choked. 'He's on his way home.'

  'I'm sure he'll soon be found,' Lee said gently, for Dulcie's sake concealing her own apprehension.

  'The police advised me to check any place where I think there's the slightest possibility he might be and to ask people to keep a lookout for him,' said Dulcie hollowly.

  'He can't be far,' Lee tried to sound optimistic. 'Trigg may be young, but he's very sensible.'

  When Dulcie rang off, she methodically searched the house again, then the outbuildings. Because both were a good size it took her a while, but she was eventually convinced that Trigg wasn't there. It was almost dark and raining hard when she decided to take a look along the river bank. She had thought of ringing Slade, having no doubt at all that he would help, but as it was unlikely that he would be back from London yet, she was reluctant to risk worrying Lydia. It was only a few miles, following the towpath, to Slade's house. By the time she walked it, if Trigg hadn't been found, Slade might have returned and would know the best thing to do.

  The wind rose, driving the rain before it, and as darkness fell it became impossible to investigate all the places where a small boy might be hiding. Lee was halfway between her house and Slade's when she realised she was making little headway. Trigg could be in a dozen places, and if she hadn't been so overwhelmed by anxiety she might have been aware sooner how futile it was to come here in the dark on her own.

  Nevertheless, she decided to continue and consult Slade, rather than retrace her footsteps. She knew the way well, for over the years she had often wandered in this direction. Usually she had her sketching pad with her and pretended to be searching for small mammals or flora to illustrate her books, but more often she had spent most of the time just standing gazing at Slade's home, wondering what he was doing—if he would ever be back again. It seemed incredible that she could ever have gone as far as letting herself get engaged to another man. She must have used Matt in the hope that he would kill her love for Slade and enable her to lead a more normal life. It wasn't something to be proud of, and Lee's head bowed in shameful regret as she trudged on.

  By the time Slade's house came in sight she was wet through and shivering, her hands, as she rang the doorbell, numb with cold. The butler answered the door, not recognising the bedraggled girl on the doorstep until she spoke.

  'Miss—Lee!' his usual coolness slipping a little for once, he exclaimed in a horrified voice. 'You'd better come in. Such a terrible evening for you to be out…'

  'Is Mr Western home yet?' Lee brushed water off her face with a nervous hand as she stepped into the opulent hall and saw how she was dripping all over the carpet.

  As Higgins did his best to restrain a shudder, Slade -strode from his study. 'Lee!' he took one look at the drenched state she was in and visibly whitened. 'Lee!' he repeated, his jaw clenching as he reached her side, as if he found it difficult to articulate. 'You aren't hating me this much, are you?'

  What on earth was he talking about? Lee sniffed and gulped as she pushed back her streaming hair in an attempt to see him better. For going to London, perhaps? 'Don't be silly!' she spluttered.

  'I was on my way to see you,' he dismissed the curious butler. 'Don't you realise you shouldn't be running around in the rain in your condition? I suppose you received a shock, but surely it wasn't as bad as all that?'

  Though she was still unable to follow him, Lee's heart warmed that he showed such concern, even if she failed to understand why he should look so pale. She ventured another guess, aloud this time. 'You've heard about Trigg?'

  'Trigg?' His voice revealed that the boy had been far from his thoughts. 'No, what about him?'

  Lee frowned but hurried on, 'He's disappeared—I've been out looking for him.'

  It was Slade's turn to look confused. 'You haven't heard from Paul?'

  Paul was his doctor friend. 'No, of course not,' she exclaimed. 'I didn't expect to. I'm worried about Trigg.'

  He stared at her, appearing to be at the mercy of several conflicting emotions, all of which affected him deeply. 'We seem to be talking about different things,' he muttered thickly.

  'Trigg…'

  Slade endeavoured to pull himself together, though it was difficult when he just wanted to pull Lee close and kiss her passionately. 'Whoever's missing,' he cut in, 'you're not going to be much help to them if you go down with pneumonia. You'd better come upstairs and get out of those wet clothes.'

  Feeling that was of the least importance at the moment, Lee began to protest, but he refused to listen and merely picked her up, holding her so tightly she couldn't struggle. This was the second time today she had been in his arms, and even the thought of it was enough to make her feel dizzy. He carried her to his bedroom—Lee presumed it was his owing to the size of it and its masculine decor. Putting her down in the middle of it, he began removing her coat with hands she was surprised to see were shaking.

  She heard his breath catch as his glance lingered on the thrust of her breasts against the thin wet silk of her shirt, but the naked desire he betrayed, although she was shivering with cold, brought an immediate response from every nerve cell in her body. His eyes darkened and burned as her lips parted and she gazed at him helplessly. As always, she longed to throw herself into his arms. Never could two people have been closer than they had been, achieved such total completeness. She wanted him all the time until it was like a deep ache inside her.

  Abruptly he turned, putting temptation behind him, but his voice was hoarse as he directed her to the en-suite bathroom. 'You'd better get out of your wet things and under the shower, Lee. Lydia is out this evening, but I'll see if I can find you something dry to put on, while you're busy.'

  When he returned she had just finished and was huddled in the depth of a huge towel. He walked into the bathroom with an intimacy he seemed to take for granted but which disturbed her. He didn't even knock.

  'I borrowed these from one of the maids,' he handed her a pair of jeans and a checked shirt which, although the size was about right, clashed wildly with her rich red hair. 'It's the best I could do,' he
added wryly. 'You can tell me about your young friend while you're getting into them.'

  He apparently had no intention of leaving her alone to dress, but because he seemed consumed by a curious anxiety, she forced herself to endure his presence. As she struggled with zips and buttons under the towel and determinedly ignored the mounting turmoil inside her, she explained about Trigg.

  'He must be somewhere!' she finished apprehensively.

  'The thing is, he likes the river, but it's so dangerous. That's why I walked the towpath looking for him.'

  Slade went white again as he saw her stumbling blindly along it in the dark. 'It seems to me that young Trigg would be much safer at boarding school, and probably happier, once he settled down. I went and I remember I quite liked it, once I got used to it.'

  But then he would have been a tough little boy! Lee glanced at him impatiently. 'So will Trigg when his health improves and he's older. He's bright and intelligent and will do well. But that's for the future. What matters now is that he's found.'

  Slade nodded, giving the matter his serious attention, as Lee had known he would. 'You say he's familiar with the river?'

  'Yes,' Lee replied eagerly. 'He often comes with me, or turns up while I'm there, to help me find material to illustrate my books. He appears to know what appeals to small boys better than I do.'

  Slade said slowly, 'I agree with you that he's an intelligent youngster, so on a night like this, if he was looking for somewhere to hide wouldn't he be trying to find somewhere drier?'

  'It's just a feeling I have about the river,' she frowned, she realised not very logically.

  Slade took a tray of coffee from the maid who brought it, as they returned to the bedroom. After she had gone, he poured it out, along with a little brandy. 'Whenever a child disappears one automatically thinks of the river, if there's one near.'

  'I suppose so,' sighed Lee, accepting the brandy he gave her with instruction to drink every drop. She felt warmer after the shower and with this and the coffee inside her, but no better about Trigg. 'He could be anywhere,' she admitted tearfully.