Impasse Page 17

  'You're fond of him, aren't you?' Slade put a comforting arm around her.

  'Yes,' her lips curved tenderly. 'When the Mansfields decided to look over The Willows, they came to River Bend first, by mistake. Trigg wasn't much more than a baby, and when he was taken ill they stayed for the night as Julia was there, and a nurse. Since then he's come to River Bend all the time. We all love him. Julia and Sandra are going to be terribly shocked if he isn't found.'

  'He will be,' Slade promised. 'You say the police have been informed?' When she nodded, he released her gently and reached for the telephone. 'I'll ring Mrs Mansfield and if he's still missing I'll see what I can do.'

  A few minutes later he replaced the receiver and turned to Lee again. 'No luck yet. I've had a word with his father. Naturally he's extremely worried.'

  Lee could scarcely trust herself to speak. She had been praying that Trigg had been found but had gathered enough from Slade's conversation with George to realise that her prayers hadn't been answered. Not yet anyway. When Slade said he would begin looking for Trigg immediately, she was determined to come with him. 'If you would just run me home first,' she begged, 'I'll get a dry coat.'

  'We aren't short of waterproofs,' he retorted, 'but I'd rather you stayed here, Lee. I don't want you taking any more foolish risks.'

  'I couldn't just sit doing nothing,' she protested fiercely.

  He continued regarding her with a worried frown, then appeared to give in. 'It might be a good idea to go back to River Bend and start there. It could pay to take another look around as the boy might have been hiding in a corner you hadn't noticed. I'll speak to the staff before we leave, in case he turns up here.'

  They were just leaving the drive when Lee remembered Slade's boat and grasped his arm so quickly she might have caused an accident. A week ago she was certain he would have been furious with her, and was surprised when he merely murmured her name and pulled off the road.

  'What is it!' He turned to look at her, as though he couldn't see enough of her and was ready to take advantage of any excuse to study her lovely face.

  Lee swallowed in confusion at the expression in his eyes and her breathing was uneven as she answered. 'I've just remembered your boat, Slade. When your mother rang, inviting me to spend the day on the river, I had Trigg staying with me, and she invited him along as well. He loved the boat so much that we had almost to prize him off it. Do you think he could be there?'

  'Most unlikely,' he replied slowly. 'It's checked every day.'

  'But Trigg might not know that,' Lee argued, 'and he could have slipped aboard after whoever it is you get to check it had gone.'

  Slade thought for a moment, then with a brief nod turned the car. 'We'll take a look, if only to reassure you.'

  At first, Lee was sure her intuition had let her down. The boat was securely anchored, but the wind was rocking it wildly on its moorings. In such conditions it would have been difficult for anyone to board it. She was doubtful, anyway, that Trigg could have managed it—she even felt alarmed at the thought of Slade trying to. As she watched him swiftly calculating the distance to jump, she felt suddenly terrified. He had ordered her to stay where she was, but fear for him drove her to join him.

  'Please don't take any risks!' she shouted above the noise of the wind. 'I probably made a mistake. I'm sure he can't be there.'

  He hustled her straight back to the car, his face grim. 'If you move again,' he threatened, 'I'll lock you in! I don't take risks, and it would be a waste of time not to check, since we're here.'

  Lee nodded numbly as with a brief salute he boarded the boat and disappeared below decks. The ease with which this was completed made a mockery out of her apprehension and made her realise how extremely fit he must be. Then amazingly, within a very few minutes, he was back on deck again, carrying Trigg.

  'Oh, Trigg!' She was so overcome by relief that she forgot Slade's warning and flew to meet them, flinging her arms around the boy as Slade leapt back to the landing stage and lowered him to the ground. 'What a fright you've given us! Your poor parents are frantic!'

  Slade let her sit in the back of the car with him. He was shaken, but on the whole none the worse. He clung to Lee and she hugged him close. 'I was running away, Lee, because I don't want to go to boarding school,' he confessed pathetically. 'I was trying to decide where to go next when I fell asleep.'

  'You aren't going to boarding school,' Lee said gently. 'Your mum and dad were only thinking about it and they decided definitely against it, days ago. Your mother meant to burn the papers you saw, but you know how she tends to forget things. But you don't have to take my word for it. Come home and they'll tell you themselves.'

  For a boy so determined to leave home, it was moving to see how eager he was to return to it, yet he refused to go until Lee promised to come with him.

  'I'll be there, too,' said Slade gruffly as he started the car again, 'though I'm sure you won't need either of us.'

  Half an hour later they left The Willows with its family happily reunited. Trigg had flown to his mother and for several minutes they had cried over each other and kept saying they were sorry. And when George had been able to speak he had assured his son that he could complete his education at local schools and settle for just going to university—if he wanted to.

  'Well, that's that,' Slade remarked broodingly, as he and Lee drove away.

  'You don't sound very pleased with yourself.' Lee glanced quickly at his dark profile.

  'Why should I be?' he retorted. 'You deserve all the credit.'

  'We can share it, surely?' she protested. 'After all, you found him.'

  'If you hadn't remembered the boat, I shouldn't have thought of it,' he rejoined abruptly.

  Lee sighed. She didn't doubt that he was as pleased as she was that Trigg was safely back with his family again. It was obviously something else that was worrying him. Maybe his meeting, this afternoon, hadn't gone so well. And suddenly she recalled something else. 'You said you had something to tell me.'

  'As soon as I get you inside,' he said curtly, pulling up outside River Bend. 'I still have something to ask you, as well.'

  Slade wasn't given to being mysterious; when he had something to say, or wanted something, he didn't usually beat about the bush. He usually came straight out with it, so why the uncertainty she sensed now? Bitterly she decided he was about to repeat that he had no wish to see her again and to ask her arrogantly to forgive him, but when he helped her into the house as if she were something very precious, she felt more bewildered than ever.

  It was still raining heavily and they got wet even in those few yards. 'I shudder to think what Trigg would have been like after spending the night on the river in weather like this!' she gasped breathlessly, as Slade closed the door behind them.

  'I shudder to think what you would have been like if you'd had an accident on that towpath!' he rasped. 'I want you to promise never to do anything like that again.'

  'Normally I shouldn't dream of it,' she replied absently, as he relieved her of her borrowed coat, 'but you have to admit that tonight was an emergency.'

  'Even so—' he began harshly, then hesitated as he noticed how weary she was. Her hair streamed down her back, her face was white, her eyes huge. 'You look like a lost urchin,' he sighed raggedly. 'Come on, let's go to the kitchen and I'll make some coffee.'

  Lee felt terribly tired and suddenly just wanted to go to bed. The buffeting she had received from the wind and rain, along with the worry over Trigg, must have exhausted her, she decided. 'If you don't mind, I'd rather not have coffee,' she said. 'And I'm sure you would rather go straight home.'

  'Are you feeling ill again?' he asked sharply, making no move to leave, his eyes fixed on her anxiously.

  'No, just tired,' she replied. 'After I'd taken the medicine your friend gave me, I felt a whole lot better. It seems to have cured whatever I had,' she tried to joke.

  He stared at her, his expression suddenly cold and blank enough to make her shi
ver. His voice was cold too as he asked, 'Haven't you really any idea what's the matter with you? What it is that's making you feel so ill?'

  As she gazed back at him for interminable seconds, until comprehension finally dawned, Lee's breathing seemed to stop altogether while her eyes widened to dominate her chalky face. Oh, no, it couldn't be that! But she knew in that same instant that it was.

  'I'm…'

  'Pregnant.' Slade took pity on her inability to put it in words as he pulled her abruptly into his arms. 'I realised before that you didn't know, but I thought you did. Somehow I thought Paul had been in touch.'

  Frantically she shook her head, trying to reject the horror of the truth but unable to. What fools they had been, they might have guessed what would happen! Theirs had never been a lukewarm relationship at any time, but since Slade had come back the strength of their emotions had grown explosively. How many times had the earth rocked and shattered about their heads, and now, ironically, to use a well-worn phrase, they were reaping the whirlwind!

  She gulped against the extreme pain and shock racing through her. Slade was watching her, his face white, she could even feel his strong body trembling against her. And no wonder, she thought bitterly. How many times had he warned her he wouldn't be tied? If he had loved her and wanted to marry her, how happy and proud she would have been to have his child. But he didn't want her, he was so clearly wondering how he could get rid of her that she shuddered. As she gazed at him blindly, she could find no hint of anything in the hardness of the eyes that met hers to assure her otherwise. With a low cry of anguish, she wrenched herself from his arms and whirled away from him.

  'You'd better go,' she cried.

  'Lee!' he begged, following her as she fled across the hall, his face ashen. 'Please wait! You can't send me away like this!'

  There was a note of pleading in his voice that she had never heard before, and suddenly she couldn't bear it. He was about to offer either money or pity, she was certain—maybe both. Without pausing, she raced upstairs, shouting disjointedly over her shoulder as she fled, 'I want nothing more from you! Just please close the door behind you, as you go out.'

  She was shaking so badly that when she reached her room she thought she was going to collapse, and the crashing of the front door sounded like a funeral knell in her ears. Slade had left, as she had asked him to, and he wouldn't be back. Lee subsided on her bed with a tortured groan, wishing she could weep. Her heart was full of shock and tears. She felt terrible, but she was still dry-eyed in the morning.

  She didn't sleep, either, and the night seemed endless. After the first shock of learning she was pregnant had worn off, she wondered why it had never occurred to her. She had had a lot on her mind lately, but it amazed her that she hadn't given more thought to the normal functions of her own body. Nevertheless, she was determined to have the baby and that it shouldn't suffer. She would devote the rest of her life to seeing it didn't. She was probably more fortunate than many girls in similar circumstances, as she had her own home and could earn enough to keep both of them. Julia and Nigel were getting married, and so, she believed, would Matt and Sandra, in time, but she could always take in more paying guests if necessary.

  She tried but failed to stop thinking of Slade, aware that while her thoughts clung to him they brought no comfort. What sense was there in sentences prefaced with If only…? Impatiently she told herself that the sooner she faced reality the better. What was the use of wishing for the moon when even the stars were out of reach? Slade had gone and she wouldn't be seeing him again. He could be on his way to New York by now and making arrangements for his mother to return to London. Lee doubted that he would allow Lydia to stay here for fear she learned anything of what had happened.

  Hollow-eyed and weary, Lee got up as soon as dawn arrived and took a shower. When she had finished she slowly dried her hair, then struggled into her old dressing gown and went downstairs. The shower hadn't revived her much and she didn't feel hungry, but she would try and eat something. She reminded herself that she had two to think of now.

  A watery ray of sunshine followed her over the hall, but it wasn't until she reached the kitchen that she realised that, apart from this geographical phenomenon after so much rain, she wasn't alone. Slade, far from being in America, was slumped at the kitchen table, his head in his hands. As Lee came in, he looked up to stare at her, his eyes burning black coals in a face crying out for a razor. His mouth moved, but he seemed as beyond speech as she was as they both poised, like motionless statues, staring at each other.

  Strangely enough it was Lee who recovered first. The unmistakable marks of suffering Slade bore aroused her compassion yet made her wary. She had never seen him looking less than immaculate, even in casual clothes, and his crumpled shirt, unshaven jaw and hair that looked as if a hand had been mangling it for hours was a sight she suspected few had witnessed, but what that was evidence of she couldn't be sure.

  'I thought I told you to go,' she whispered. 'Didn't you hear me?'

  'I'd have had to be deaf not to,' he muttered huskily, getting to his feet and joining her.

  Close at hand, evidence of a sleepless night was even more apparent. He still wore the suit he had worn last night, at least part of it. The dark trousers were creased over the muscular strength of his powerful thighs and the once immaculate shirt was wrenched open at the throat, the sleeves rolled back over darkly tanned forearms. Even exhausted, Slade carried with him a force that couldn't be ignored, a masculine vitality that burned in his tired eyes like leaping flames.

  'I heard the door bang,' she gulped.

  'I opened and closed it again,' he retorted, 'but I couldn't leave. I wanted to follow you, even then, and make you listen, but I realised you needed time. I hoped you'd be in a more amenable mood this morning.'

  'You—you haven't sat there all night?' she gasped.

  Something like pain darkened his eyes. 'I tried not to fall asleep in case you needed me. I think I dozed off now and again, but you'd given me plenty to think about, and I didn't feel like sleep, anyway.'

  'You look terrible!' she exclaimed, her gaze clinging to the ravages on his face, the deep-drawn lines, the whiteness under his skin.

  'You don't look so good yourself,' Slade muttered dryly. 'We sound like an old married couple, don't we, who love each other so much that tact is no longer so necessary.'

  'Only we aren't married,' Lee rejoined bleakly, wondering how he could be so callous as to taunt her about it.

  'But about to be.'

  Wrapping her arms around herself in an unconsciously defensive gesture, Lee said raggedly, 'You're joking, of course.'

  'I'm not, little one,' his voice was suddenly thick with tension. 'I'm asking you to marry me.'

  She went white. 'You're asking me to marry you because of the baby.' Her throat hurt, but she forced herself to go on. 'You know it wouldn't work. Every time you looked at me you'd feel trapped. At the flat you said you hated me.'

  He caught her close, as if determined to protect her from any more pain. When she didn't struggle, he laid his cheek against the top of her head and said rawly, 'After that night at the flat I was determined never to see you again, unless you agreed to comply with my wishes and came to me of your own free will. I knew I'd gone too far, forcing you the way I did, but while the hurt on your face was like a sword thrusting through my vitals, I refused to believe my heart was affected. I was convinced I didn't need a woman in my life permanently and that I could walk away and leave you again if necessary.'

  Despising herself for being unable to move, Lee muttered bitterly, 'What made you change your mind? It could only have been the baby.'

  His arms tightened as he ignored this, but she felt him tremble. 'I told myself when you left me in Paris that you weren't worth the worry you put me through. No,' he corrected himself bitterly, 'I may as well be honest—it was agony. I wanted you back so desperately that I didn't sleep for weeks, yet I refused to admit you meant anything more to me th
an a congenial companion. Then in New York, when I learned that you were engaged to Matt, I found an urgent business reason why it was imperative that I drop everything and return to Reading. Self-righteously, I decided I wanted no criminal in any branch of the family and that you weren't good enough for Matt or any of us.

  'I was determined to break your engagement. Even when we met again and I saw you were more beautiful and enchanting than ever, even after I made love to you and all the old magic was there, stronger than ever, I still thought I could walk away.

  'I was still point-blank refusing to believe I couldn't, until I met you that day in the bookshop in Reading. It was when Lydia talked of going to France for your first christening that I knew if you ever had a child I had to be its father. No other man had touched you but me, and I swore, there and then, that no one was going to. I went, the next day, and bought the ring and made the necessary arrangements for us to be married. Suddenly I couldn't wait.'

  'Then why did you?' she breathed, in a daze.

  'There was still a small part of me holding out,' he confessed tautly. 'Pride, I suppose. You see, I thought if you loved me you'd have tried to see me again, or at least tried to get in touch with me. As well,' his voice rasped, 'I was afraid.'

  'Afraid?' It didn't seem possible!

  He drew back to look down on her, his eyes tortured as they met her bewildered blue ones. 'That after the contemptible way I'd treated you, that I'd killed anything you might have felt for me? I was a coward, my darling. To live in hope seemed preferable to having my hopes smashed. It was a risk I hesitated to take.'

  'Yet you asked me to go to London with you,' she whispered.

  'When I found I could put off no longer,' he said thickly. 'I was going to ask you to marry me on the way and hoped—no, prayed we'd be celebrating. When I arrived here and discovered you were feeling ill and suspected the cause of it, it just made me love you all the more.'